A and N!

i cant believe you're gone
two more to the list
as those who left before
you will be really missed

it takes my toll to six
how many more will go
what makes us hurt so much
no one will ever know

none of us deal with it
we just dont share our pain
and one by one we falter
i know i'll fall again

first there was my angel
my hope and guiding light
the one that was my saviour
the one i miss at night

next there was my soldier
the one who made me tough
he gave everything for the queen
but it was not enough

then it was my teddy bear
the soul made to snuggle
tried his hardest to stay happy
but he too lost the struggle

then there was my boffin head
she tried to make me clever
the pain in her head got too much
and there was no more forever

the final two were as one
perfection of true love
its hard to think that they aswell
have travelled up above

first to leave was smilez
he always made spirits high
but all the hate got too much
and he left a heartfelt goodbye

shortly after, the pout went too
who got me 'in the zone'
once his forever love had gone
he couldnt be alone.

R.I.P. My missing family, i know all of you fought the fight for as long as you could and i keep fighting my own battles because you all convinced me to at one time or another. you guys saved my life, each and every one of you and i cant believe you are all gone!

I'll see you guys up there though - save me a seat.

I love you all more than you could ever imagine

xx

july 12 2009

oliver - he needs me

This song seemed appropriate, both in the way i feel about my relationship with someone, the way i feel my best friend in the world is acting and the way i feel a friend is acting with me. People have the ability to change the world if they would just try!!



As long as he needs me..
Oh, yes, he does need me..
In spite of what you see.....
I'm sure that he needs me

Who else would love him still
When they've been used so ill?
He knows I always will..
As long as he needs me

I miss him so much when he is gone
But when he's near me I don't let on.....
The way I feel inside
The love, I have to hide..
The hell! I've got my pride
As long as he needs me

He doesn't say the things he should
He acts the way he thinks he should
But all the same I'll play
This game his way
As long as he needs me..

I know where I must be
I'll cling on steadfastly..
As long as he needs me

As long as life is long..
I'll love him right or wrong
And somehow, I'll be strong..
As long as he needs me

If you are lonely
Then you will know..
When someone needs you
You love them so

I won't betray his trust..
Though people say I must
I've got to stay true, just
As long as he needs me

thursday 02/06

Once upon....

once upon...

once upon a time, you were all i needed.
once upon a dream, you were my happy ending.
once upon a time, you were my best friend.
once upon a dream, we were going to escape.
once upon a time, you begged me to be good.
once upon a dream, i listened to you.

once upon a time, you left me alone.
once upon a dream, you stayed with me.
once upon a time, i wasn't so good.
once upon a dream, you saved me.
once upon a time, i couldn't deal.
once upon a dream, you watched out for me.

once upon a time, i had to face the facts.
once upon a dream, you held my hand.
once upon a time, they told me it was over.
once upon a dream, you held me as i cried.
once upon a time, i had to deal alone.
once upon a dream, you were there for me.

once upon a time, i was happy it was ending.
once upon a dream, i was with you again.
once upon a time, my stupidity killed me.
once upon a dream, i didn't care.
once upon a time became once upon a dream.

Love

I have been astonished that men could die martyrs for their religion -
I have shudder'd at it.
I shudder no more.
I could be martyr'd for my religion
Love is my religion
And I could die for that.
I could die for you.
~ by John Keats ~

Seduce my mind and you can have my body,
Find my soul and I'm yours forever.
~ by Anonymous ~


One word frees us
Of all the weight and pain in life,
That word is Love
~ by Socrates ~

To love a person is to learn the song
That is in their heart,
And to sing it to them
When they have forgotten.
~ by Anonymous ~

You love simply because you cannot help it.
~ by Kim Anderson ~

You may only be one person to the world
But you may also be the world to one person.
~ by Anonymous ~

Love seeks to make happy rather than to be happy.
~ by Ralph Connor ~

True love begins when nothing is looked for in return.
~ by Antoine De Saint-Exupery ~

Love does not consist in gazing at each other
but in looking together in the same direction.
~ by Antoine de Saint-Exupery ~

You come to love not by finding the perfect person,
but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.
~ by Sam Keen ~

18/06/09

Troubled Past

Silence...
Tears leave my eyes
As I gently push the shining blade
Downwards on my always pale skin

Crimson...
Blood ebbs and flows
Dripping from the marks
Visualising the pain I feel

Pleasure...
I can feel the blade
Gliding through my flesh
I already know the pain

Shock...
As I gaze at what I have done
I feel proud and amazed
As I leer at the marks I have made

Worry...
Other people are disgusted
They can't comprehend...
Neither do I...

17/06/09

General Musings

Many people have walked in and out of my life,
But only true friends have left footprints on my heart
To deal with most people, I've used my head;
To handle the special few, I've used my heart.
Anger is only a short step from hatred.
And if someone betrays me twice, it is my own fault.

My self and the ones I love discuss hope and joy,
The rest of you discuss people.
Someone who loses material belongings loses a lot,
But someone who loses a friend loses so much more;
Someone who loses faith, in themselves or humanity, loses everything.

Older people are beautiful, like works of art.
I have to try to learn from the mistakes of others
because I can't live long enough
to make them all for myself.

Friends, you and me ...
You brought another friend ...
I brought another friend ...
we started our group ...
our circle of friends ...
and like a circle ...
there is no beginning or end ...


"Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is mystery.
Today is a gift, that's why they call it the present."

06/06/09

ETA 11:25

Forever feeling like my life is dying
But the doctors just keep on lying.
"It will be ok, you will be fine,
all you need is to give it some time.”

But I'm not ok and i wont ever be
Because stupidity took my chance from me.
One day i'll just stop running
And one day i'll just stop living.

My sorrowful pleas screamed so loudly for help
But they end up only heard by myself
“I’m in pain” I shout, again and again
My innocence cut, my pride has been slain.

But all of my cries fell on uncaring ears
and nobody realized the depth of my fears.
No one noticed my major change
Until I had gone too far out of range.

I wrote out plenty of poems and letters
wishing and praying my life would be better.
they lay the scalpel over my heart
And slowly they slice my body apart.

My parents should cry themselves to sleep
And all of my friends, they really should weep.
If they had loved me, seen when I fell
they wouldn't have left me alone in Hell.

Maybe one day my soul can be free
And maybe then everyone will see
That i'm trying my hardest for as long as i can
but that one day i'll just stop giving a damn.

04/06/09